You Know You're in a Red Neck Town When . . .

I have been thinking about my hometown.
Several things take place that are normal for me and others who have grown up in this hick little valley. But then, I remember that most people don't live in Eastern Oregon in a town of fifteen hundred people. I've decided to make a list of all the "normal hick" things that go on in my town, but I'm not sure if they happen in cities and things like that. If your town is like mine, way to represent the red necks!

What you will fine in Eastern Oregon:

• When driving, one must slow down for:
• Tractors
• Dear
• Antelope
• Cows
• People riding horses
• I have been selling pizzas for a year and so far 3 people have come in with pistols on their hips, 1 was a guy and 2 were woman. By the way, none thought anything of it. 
• Someone's lame if they haven't shot a gun before (I'm not lame).
• Hunting is an excused absence in high school.
• No one responds when:
  • A gun is fired.
  • A hunter drives by with his or her kill in the back of the truck.
• When I was a kid, a police man tried to play basketball from his police car. (He missed. The ball went straight up, straight down, and smacked onto his hood. I didn't laugh because I was worried he'd arrest me for laughing at him or something.)
• The only statue in town, of a regal woman in a toga, has had a pare of green boxers covering her head for the past 3 days. (That's just wrong!)
• There's a truck with a compartment on it's back and red letters stickered along it's side: The Local Slaughter House.
• 1 building doubles as the post office and the bar in a nearby town.
• In the middle of an intersection was an choked outline of a dead person, as if it was a crime scene.
• The local library opens at 11 and, very often, there are several people waiting outside for the doors to be unlocked. Yeah . . . there's nothing else to do.
• 1 movie theater for 5 towns to share. Within the 1 theater are 4 screens. That's it.
• My town is the "the big town" around here. Why? We have a Wal-Mart.
• The closest mall is 2 hours away.
• Wheat, sunflowers, alfalfa, and other agriculture fields surround each town in the valley.

There's a lot more hick stuff that goes on, like mud wrestling, cow tipping, graffiti on trees, and so forth, but that's enough for now.

Comment about the bazar things that happen in your town or city!