I needed a heart check. I hate those. They're always so uncomfortable and demanding and painful.
Have you ever had a heart check? It's when God puts you into a situation, that's horrible and awful, until your heart changes. They such. Big time. I recently had a heart check and, honestly, saw it a mile away but tried my very best to avoid it. God's good at being patient though.
My awful situation was ________. You can fill in whatever you want. Anyways, I kept praying for God to change what was going on around me; make them change, take me away from here, just change it all!
What's that God? Me? Why me? Why should I change, God? I go to church, I read the Bible, I'm a good person. Don't I deserve a little help here?
I just shook my head and knew He was just waiting. Waiting for me to let go and for Him to mold my heart how He saw fit. Well, I didn't want any of that. I just smiled, a fake smile, and said, "I knew something like that was coming." And that was the end of that conversation.
But there comes a time when pride and will just aren't strong enough anymore. When you're at your limits and don't want do fight the situation, yourself, and God any longer. This finally happened about a month after my realization that a heart check was coming. I remember stopping everything I was doing, looked up at the ceiling and thought, God, I hate this. I don't want this anymore! So, so just change my heart, I guess. That's what You want right? Me to change? Well, do it. Go ahead. He, again, didn't answer, but I knew He heard me. So, everyday, as my circumstance hit me in the face like a slug hammer, I thanked God for it and just talked to Him about all the good in it. This went on for about a half a month.
Suddenly, I saw I didn't hate my circumstance! Yeah, I was still it in. Yeah, nothing changed in the physical world. But I changed and that is, sometimes, all it takes. After a year and then some of hating every moment of _________, I now have peace. God's peace. And there's nothing sweeter, and more addictive, then the peace of God.
So, where do you need a heart check?
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