Help! I'm Depressed and Don't Know What to Do!!! Part II

The other day, I wrote about my first few steps in facing depression. First, I admit I'm depressed, I don't ignore the problem, I discover what my depression is rooted in, and let myself feel. How did it go for you in taking these steps? Was it hard? Yeah, it's always hard for me too. But it's worth it. (Because you're worth it.)

Here are the last few steps I take. Hope this is helpful for you.

5. Focusing on Change

Once I receive advice from a wise counselor and/or sorted through my emotions with my trusted friend, I have reached one of the most challenging stages of facing depression: I must now change. Instead of overloading my life with things that make me feel good, I must focus my time and thoughts on the truth. I believe the truth of God's word, therefore I lean on what God has said about my future and my identity.

• I am loved with an unchanging love that lasts forever. (Psalm 136:26)
• I have a God who's obsessed with my well being. He's happily with me, gladly rejoicing, and calming me with His love. He will encourage me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) 
• I have a hope filled future full of prosperity. (Jeremiah 29:11)
• If I hold onto my trust in God, I am blameless, holy, and free from accusations. (Colossians 1:21-23) 

There must be a distinct separation between how I feel and what is real. Pain is real. It cannot be ignored or thrown out of the way. However, pain should not overcome my life. The only time I fully feel the despairing pain is when I am with my wise adviser and/or trusted friend. Once everything is vented and expressed, it is time for me to flight and hold onto the truth and the facts instead of how I feel.

Did you catch that word? I wrote fight for a reason. Fighting is work. Fighting takes time. But you're worth fighting for. (Just nod your head even if you don't believe it. My God died a criminal's execution, went to hell, and battled death for you! You're completely worth fighting for!!! Because your worth is not in who you are, what you did/do, how you feel, and so on. You're wroth is based on what Jesus did for you and your decision to follow Him. (Romans 3)

6. Confront, if Needed

Now, because I am holding fast to the truth and facts, hopefully with my feet a little bit under myself, it is time to confront. If my depression is rooted in a hurt inflicted by another person, I need to face that person. Not to kill them. Not to make they suffer (although sometimes that would be fun >:) ) I confront to respect the other person and respect myself. What if they have no clue they wounded me so deeply? It's obvious to me, but it may not be to them. 

I'm always afraid to do this part. Every time. I practice what I'm going to say so that it doesn't come across as attacking or vengeful. (This is because I suck at verbal communication. If you are the type to plan ahead and strategies what their response will be and make an answer based on your made up response, don't plan out your conversation. Playing the 'What If' game will hype you up, stress you out, make it worse, so by the time you confront the person, you're ready to bight their head off before they say a word.)

I try to say "I feel" instead of "you did____". I prefix the conversation by stating I don't want to fight, I want to make peace, and I apologize if I say anything disrespectful/unloving I may say. 

Sometimes a mediator is needed. That's okay. A good mediator would be your wise adviser and/or trusted friend. Don't gang up on them now. Be civil. Be mature. Be uninfluenced by your emotions. (I usually cry a lot though. And maybe yell. And cuss a bit. So . . . I'm still working on the mature part of confronting.)

I have to do this process more then once because more pain resurfaces the more I reveal it. I may have several conversations with the same person to make peace or have to return to my wise adviser/trusted friend and vent and cry again. And that's okay. I just cannot let myself give up.   

7. Intentionally be Unselfish  While I'm fighting to hold onto the truth, I usually discover I've been very selfish. My depression is always accompanied with selfishness. Therefore, I try to go out of my way to be selfless. I attend to my pets and plants (it's amazing how needy they can be!) I give my husband a message, ask how I can serve him after he worked all day, and try to encourage him. I also tell him what I've been struggling with and ask him to encourage me and reassure me I'm loved. I volunteer to help out at different functions. I also surround myself with uplifting, undepressed people.

8. Repeat steps 4-8 Until Freed

I don't isolated myself.
I don't let myself think my efforts are hopeless.
I don't continually complain, both to others and within my thoughts.
I refuse to let the bad that happened ruin the good that is happening now. 

I acknowledge how I feel, yet understand feelings are not truth. 
I fight. 
I continue to the end. THE VERY END. Like, months down the rode. Years even. It takes what it takes and you'll get there.
And, with God's strength, I succeed. 
Beating depression takes time. It took a long time to be sucked into the grimy pit, it will take a long time to climb out. Don't get frustrated if you're not "getting over it" faster then you think you should. Everyone has their own pace of progression. As long as you are progressing bit by bit out of depression, you’re doing it right.
So, that's what works for me to rise above depression. It takes a lot of people. It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of trust in God. 
I hope this works for you. You are worth fighting for. You do not have to be conquered by how you feel. You can rise up. You can be free. You are worthy of love and honor. You are not defined by what you do, but by who you follow. Follow God. He won't get grossed out by your pit of depression. He's an expert in going into dark, horrid places, because the Light always shines the best in the dark. 

I'll leave you with this encouragement that lifted me out of my own pits countless times:

I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him.

Psalm 40:1-3

I believe in you because I believe in my God and He's eager to fight for you. He always is. (Exodus 14:14)